Long-time no see!
It's been a while since I last shared a blog post and a lot has happened in that time as well. I don't know why I've decided to start blogging again seeing as nobody reads this, but I find it really interesting and I want to spend more time doing it. I am going to force myself to upload something at least once a week. That might not sound like a lot, but for me it is! I want to carry on posting stuff about life, fashion, make-up and anything I'm interested in or think is important for me.
I've had a lot of thinking time and a lot of worrying time too. I'm a very stressful person and things do to pile up in my head and end up in a big mess swimming around in my brain. It's hard for me to get rid of things I worry about and I'm sure there's no real need to be so stressed all time, but there's not a lot I can do about it. Like some people can't help picking their nose or biting their fingernails, it's almost like a habit now. I didn't use to worry so much when I was little, which is quite logical seeing as I was young and care-free. Still, I wish I could be like that now. I've come to a state of mind where I find myself lost in the thoughts and worries in my brain. Tonight is very good example, I should have finished my homework, I should have done a lot of things (mostly school related) but I just can't face the problem. I just can't be bothered anymore and that's bad. I don't often lack motivation, but I'm really beginning to wonder why the hell I'm doing this course if it makes me bloody worried all the time. It makes me worried thinking about working in a year and a half. The thought of it makes me sick really! What the hell am I actually doing with my life (sorry for the 'sort of' swearing). Do I really want to become a teacher? Is that the goal for the rest of my career? Will I become one of those old, sick of children type teachers when I'm 50-something who only moans about things. Every single answer to those questions is: No, I don't want any of that. But what do I want then?! Leaving secondary school for me was three years ago and I still don't know which direction to go in? I know what I want to do, but why I don't do it... I'm afraid of choosing, afraid of not having a degree, afraid of failing, but I'm not getting very far with passing things at school.
Just, if you're reading this, take a look at your life right now. Are you happy? Because if you're not, find out what it is that is making you un-happy. You have every right to be happy so go and be it! It's easy for me to type it down, but I know I should be doing it too instead of telling others what to do. Remind yourself that you have the total control over everything that you do with your life. That's scary as hell, but can also be very exciting!
Whoop, I'm going to try and be more happy about my life and seriously think about decisions. It's not a bad thing to reflect upon yourself now and again. And at least you can always walk back while on a path and choose a different one ;)
Stella.
It's been a while since I last shared a blog post and a lot has happened in that time as well. I don't know why I've decided to start blogging again seeing as nobody reads this, but I find it really interesting and I want to spend more time doing it. I am going to force myself to upload something at least once a week. That might not sound like a lot, but for me it is! I want to carry on posting stuff about life, fashion, make-up and anything I'm interested in or think is important for me.
I've had a lot of thinking time and a lot of worrying time too. I'm a very stressful person and things do to pile up in my head and end up in a big mess swimming around in my brain. It's hard for me to get rid of things I worry about and I'm sure there's no real need to be so stressed all time, but there's not a lot I can do about it. Like some people can't help picking their nose or biting their fingernails, it's almost like a habit now. I didn't use to worry so much when I was little, which is quite logical seeing as I was young and care-free. Still, I wish I could be like that now. I've come to a state of mind where I find myself lost in the thoughts and worries in my brain. Tonight is very good example, I should have finished my homework, I should have done a lot of things (mostly school related) but I just can't face the problem. I just can't be bothered anymore and that's bad. I don't often lack motivation, but I'm really beginning to wonder why the hell I'm doing this course if it makes me bloody worried all the time. It makes me worried thinking about working in a year and a half. The thought of it makes me sick really! What the hell am I actually doing with my life (sorry for the 'sort of' swearing). Do I really want to become a teacher? Is that the goal for the rest of my career? Will I become one of those old, sick of children type teachers when I'm 50-something who only moans about things. Every single answer to those questions is: No, I don't want any of that. But what do I want then?! Leaving secondary school for me was three years ago and I still don't know which direction to go in? I know what I want to do, but why I don't do it... I'm afraid of choosing, afraid of not having a degree, afraid of failing, but I'm not getting very far with passing things at school.
Just, if you're reading this, take a look at your life right now. Are you happy? Because if you're not, find out what it is that is making you un-happy. You have every right to be happy so go and be it! It's easy for me to type it down, but I know I should be doing it too instead of telling others what to do. Remind yourself that you have the total control over everything that you do with your life. That's scary as hell, but can also be very exciting!
Whoop, I'm going to try and be more happy about my life and seriously think about decisions. It's not a bad thing to reflect upon yourself now and again. And at least you can always walk back while on a path and choose a different one ;)
Stella.
